For the Moms and Dads Schooling at Home for the First Time
Shout out to all the parents who have kids at home trying to do school these days—so basically all of you. It’s no small thing to adjust your normal life and work load to include being responsible for your children’s education too.
Our family has been homeschooling for 12 years now. Much of that has been full-time, but we’ve also sent our kids to public school, private school, online school, and boarding school in the various countries we’ve lived. I have four daughters from 7th grade through young adulthood and want to share a handful of helpful hints below. My hope is to lighten your load and provide some perspective for you who are educating your children at home for the very first time.
1. First and foremost, your relationship with your child is your number one priority. Becoming your child’s teacher or task master in addition to being his or her parent will inevitably put a strain on your relationship. Of course you are rightfully your child’s authority, but depending on a variety of things like personalities, stressors in the home, stressors outside the home, and so much more, taking on this role in your child’s life could be exceptionally trying. More than anything else in this article I want to stress that it’s not worth it to sacrifice your role as parent for your role as teacher.
Practically speaking, this might look like letting your child miss some school days, or miss some assignments, or just achieve lower grades. I’m not suggesting you forsake being their authority, but do be willing to let some school go if you find that it’s inhibiting your ability to be a nourishing, kind, caregiver to your child. Their grades are not nearly as important as their strong bond with you. This doesn’t mean being a pushover, but it does mean that we are in unprecedented times and you should place academics rightly in line behind having a healthy family life. This will look different for everyone—there’s no right way to do it. Just know that your role as mom is dad is more important than your role as teacher. Grades just aren’t that important (especially in the younger years).
2. Plan to fail and give and receive tons of grace. No teacher is perfect, nor is any classroom or student or curriculum. No professional teacher nor experienced homeschool parent meets all their goals all the time. Anyone who has educated a child for one day will tell you that reality almost never meets expectations. That is fine. Do not base success on checking all the boxes. Base it on being faithful, doing your best, and arriving at the end of the day still hopeful in God’s goodness, and having weathered apologies and forgiveness as needed. Again, grades are not ultimate!
3. Don’t be intimidated. You can do this. Even if you never graduated from high school, you are ready for this job. God ordained that you would be your child’s parent at this time in history. You do not need credentials, just faithfulness. This semester of at-home chaos will not define your child forever. You are not solely responsible for his or her success in life. This is one season out of many and it has not caught the Lord by surprise. He will help you. He chose you for this moment, and by prayer and his grace, he will care for you and your child. This is not all on you.
4. Tackle school in the morning. After 12 years of experience I am confident that getting school done first thing in the morning is optimal for everyone. Wake up and get it done. Everyone is fresher and more ready for the tasks at hand.
5. Snacks go a long way. This might take a little creativity with our limited ability to go grocery shopping during shelter-in-place orders and diminishing income, but a little bit of food in hand might help your child to finish a task they don’t enjoy. Maybe a special drink or a bowl of dry cheerios—it doesn’t have to be fancy, but snacks are huge!
6. Doodling, building with blocks, coloring, or playing with play dough can be very helpful. Most kids are better listeners when they are busy with their hands. It’s counterintuitive because you think they’re not listening. The reality is they will probably retain more if you let them do a quiet activity.
7. Display a love of learning to your kids. Education is more caught than taught. If your kids see that you’re curious, they will be too. If they see your wonder at the universe or literature or math, they will have wonder too. Your example of loving God’s world and wanting to know more about it will make a big impact.
8. Let your older kids do a lot of their own work. This may go without saying, but many middle schoolers and most high schoolers don’t need too much attention. You can check in with them a few times a day, but also trust them to get their work down. Each kid is different, for sure, but know that older kids require less of your time. Also, natural consequences are pretty great, so don’t prevent those from teaching your child (for example, it’s often better to let your child suffer the bad grade, rather than letting your relationship suffer because you and he or she fought about it the assignment all afternoon—you can let the consequences do the heavy lifting!).
9. When possible, read aloud to your kids. Study after study shows that reading aloud to children (all the way up to age 18) has enormous benefits. Something about hearing a story grows our brains, hearts, and relationships. Truly, nothing is quite so nourishing. So read aloud a little bit every day if you can, even to your teens.
10. Use this time to start doing family devotions. You’re not driving to soccer practice or youth group or science club, so this is your moment to implement a new and vital habit in the life of your family. Take heart, it does not need to be fancy. It can be reading one chapter of the Bible at dinner (or one paragraph or one Proverb) and then simply talking about what it means. Our family recently started doing the New City Catechism at dinner each night. It takes about 10 minutes. The app is free. We read a question and answer, read some scripture and commentary, listen to a coordinating song, and pray. It’s very simple and we’re all renewing our minds to what is true.
11. You do not need a magazine-perfect setting or resources. Do school at the dining room table or kitchen counter or living room floor or wherever is most convenient for you. Learning can happen in pajamas too. Don’t die on these insignificant hills and don’t feel like you have to renovate your home for this moment.
12. If possible, ask your spouse for help. If you can trade some responsibilities it might allow you to take a deep breath, receive grace and a quiet moment, and then be ready for the next task at hand. My husband has always been the math teacher and that has given me the margin I needed to do the other subjects with our kids.
13. Don’t compare your experience with others. Your neighbors and friends have different kids with different needs. They are different parents with different capacities and callings. Your home is not theirs and theirs is not yours. Be faithful with your own situation.
14. Especially for those with kids in elementary school (and even middle school): don’t stress. If your child is reading a bit, being read to a bit, and doing some math everyday, then you’re good. Honestly, that’s sufficient. Some reading, some math, and the rest can be playtime. Let your kids play outside or creatively inside for the rest of the day. Let them dig in the dirt, find worms, blow bubbles, play pretend, whatever. They do not need to be in a seat doing busy work or learning for hours a day. It’s just not that profitable.
Bottom line, friends, hold this moment lightly. Your child’s whole future doesn’t hang in the balance. Do what you need to do to make it through the day with love and grace. You’re going to fail and sin against your kids. Say sorry. Move on. You do not need to be a credentialed professional for this moment. God is going to meet each of us in our hour of need. Though you may feel it and though your child’s school may say otherwise, academics are not of utmost importance. More vital than that is everyone’s sanity, grace in your home, and a family that emerges from this season with confidence in mom’s and dad’s love and dependence on God’s goodness. And even if you botch that, God is still on his throne. He will help you and your children. He is good. Take a deep breath and trust him to work through this season. He will.
Other articles you might find helpful:
Fifteen Things I’ve Learned in Ten Years of Homeschooling
Episode 23: Back to School: School Choice and our Calling as Parents
The Education Choice Is Not One-Size-Fits-All: Four Things to Consider
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